agaperos

The Truth about Romance

Tue, 08 Jun 2004 17:59:27 GMT

According to John Boy and Billy�s morning show this is the way a person should decide who to marry according to children.

"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." Kally, age 9

"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Allan, age 10

"No person really decides before they grow up who they�re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you got to find out later who you�re stuck with." Kirsten, age 10

Here were the kids answers to the question �What is the proper age to get married?�

"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then!" Cam, age 10

"No age is good to get married at.... You got to be a fool to get married!" Freddie, age 6

Here are the answers to �How can a stranger tell if two people are married?

"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." Eddie, age 6

"You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." Derrick, age 8

When asked �What Do You Think Your Mom and Dad Have in Common?� here�s what the kids said, "Both don�t want no more kids." Lori, age 8

When asked �Is it better to be single or married? Here�s the wisdom of the kids.

"It�s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them!" Anita, age 9

Kids are so perceptive. They accurately pick up on the way married people treat one another and correctly decipher how couples often feel about one another two.

According to Bill Cosby, �That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has overlooked.� Ben Franklin advised, �Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards.� Dr. Joyce Brothers states, �Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.� Comedian Dennis Miller puts it this way, �After seven years of marriage I�m sure of two things, first never wall paper together and second all bathrooms are for her.�

Marriage is a real puzzle to many folks. During the dating and engagement period we are hot and heavy for one another. They�d climb any mountain or swim a raging sea just to be with their beloved. Throughout that prenuptial time the couple was deeply �in love.� Then came marriage. It was great for the first few months, but then things seemed to cool. After a few years and a couple of kids the flames of passion have been quenched by responsibility and familiarity.

Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, co-director of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University has some interesting things to write and say about marriage, �Many single adults and their parents believe something has gone terribly wrong in the world of love and courtship.�

While writing her most recent book, "Why There Are No Good Men Left," Whitehead interviewed scores of single adults, especially young women. She also studied personal ads and shelves of bestsellers about dating. What she found was confusing and ironic.

Modern singles are looking for "soul mates" yet they fear divorce. Most also want mates who work out, eat right and have "some edge." What seems to matter the most, she said, is "competitive physical excellence." Love is defined in terms of chemistry, emotion and sex.

Sounds confusing to me. A soul mate who has a great body yet edgy, an achiever in the boardroom and the bedroom yet sensitive and emotional. Sounds to me as if these singles are shopping at Saks Fifth Avenue not Wal-Mart. It appears they are looking for tailor-made mates in an off-the-rack world.

Oddly, even ironically, singles seem to be looking for soul mates in the �meat market.� Contributing to this �meat market� mentality are shows like "The Bachelor" and "Friends," magazines like Self and Maxima. Perfect abdominal and perky bodies are more important than faithfulness, kindness, and sincerity.

Here�s the problem. When we date and fall in love, it�s not really love that we�re experiencing. It�s romance. And romance is light years away from real love. Romance keeps the fire burning but love makes a house a home.

Romance recognizes the importance of watching a sunset, love knows the value of getting the garbage to the curb. Romance knows the value of a weekend without the kids, love knows when to give your spouse a day away from the kids.

Our homes need to be places of both love and romance but building such a place is a challenge. No doubt many homes drift from romance to love. Other homes are refuges for romance but love is exiled. So how do we construct such a place?

Adam and Even were the prototype for what we call marriage and from the notes on their courtship and marriage we can learn three things.

First they were created for each other

Adam did not need a cook or housekeeper, he needed a companion. Eve did not need someone to cut grass or wash cars; she needed someone to be a friend. God saw the loneliness; God foresaw the result of people being efficient without being connected. The downside of work without purpose and life without love.

In Psychology Today a study investigated the long term cause of marital satisfaction. The study is not too surprising, couples who enjoy talking to each other, doing activities together, and consider each other best friends, are happiest and have the most satisfying relationships.

Second they were created different from each other

They were similar but not the same. Healthy marriages encourage us to explore our differences. God did not plan for us to suffocate one another but to expand each other. It is said, men marry women expecting them never to change and women marry men expecting to change them. We are different for good reason. Sameness is boring, variety is exciting. A philosopher once wrote, �Stand together yet not to near together. For the pillars of the Temple stand apart and the Oak Tree and the Cypress grow not in each other�s shadow.

Third they were given to each other

God gave Eve to Adam. Your spouse is a gift from God. They are not the luck of the draw, they are gift. No matter how you came together, they are now a gift. We treat gifts with a little special care. Ann Swearingen went to Europe one Summer and on her return she brought me this beautiful dish. It has a beautiful crest and is made of porcelain. I have never been to ebay to find out its value, I do not know its worth, but I know I keep it in a lovely place in our home. I know it holds great value to me and furthermore I know it could not be replaced if broken. Because it is so valuable, special, and even fragile I take care of the gift. Likewise, our spouse are gifts from God. Sitting in his underwear in front of the TV he may not look or act much like a gift but he is. When she is complaining about how three people can make a house look like a pigsty, she may not sound much like a gift from heaven but she is.

Sometimes marriage is about romance, sometimes it is about the lack of romance, sometimes it is about an over-bearing mother-in-law, and other times it is about the pull of family, but it is always about making marriage work. Keeping love and romance working together is a challenge but it is possible for those who are willing to take the journey.

Can Pigs Fly

Thu, 03 Jun 2004 20:15:00 GMT

There is a saying, �When pigs fly.� I suppose the point of the saying is �the likelihood of that happening is remote.� As in, �Democrats and Republicans will agree when pigs fly.� Or, �Health insurance premiums will come down when pigs fly.� You get the point. So pigs flying is a sign that something strange is happening, something unusual is afoot.

A pig has flown. I mean recently, a pig has flown. This pig even flew first class. It flew US Airways, and the company, embarrassed, says it's never going to let it happen again. On October 17, the six-hour flight from Philadelphia to Seattle carried 201 passengers -- 200 people and one hog, which sat on the floor in the first row of first class. "We can confirm that the pig traveled, and we can confirm that it will never happen again," US Airways spokesman David Castelveter said. "Let me stress that. It will never happen again." Sources familiar with the incident told the Philadelphia Daily News in Friday's editions that the hog's owners convinced the airline that the animal was a "therapeutic companion pet," like a guide dog for the blind.

The pig was traveling with two unidentified women who claimed they had a doctor's note that allowed them to fly with the animal, according to an internal airline report. US Airways and Federal Aviation Administration rules allow passengers to fly with service animals. The animal became unruly as the plane taxied toward the Seattle terminal, the report said, running through the jet, squealing and trying to get into the cockpit. "Many people on board the aircraft were quite upset that there was a large uncontrollable pig on board, especially those in the first-class cabin," the incident report stated.

The pig made it off the plane but continued squealing inside the Seattle airport. FAA officials in Seattle said they were unfamiliar with the incident but promised to investigate.

Lewis Carroll of Alice in Wonderland fame may have been the first person to use the phrase in literature

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."
--Lewis Carroll

Pigs flying is improbable but not impossible as we just heard. Over the years many silly things have been said or written about what else was impossible.

�This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
Western Union internal memo, 1876

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."
Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895

"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929

"Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances."
Dr. Lee De Forest, inventor of the vacuum tube and father of television

"I think there's a world market for about five computers."
Thomas J. Watson, Chairman of the Board, IBM

"The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives."
Admiral William Leahy, US Atomic Bomb Project

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962

"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'"
Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer

"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this."
Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a "C," the idea must be feasible."
A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. Smith went on to found Federal Express Corporation

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make."
Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies

And what may be the ultimate misjudgement:
"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper."
Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind"

While Lewis Carroll may be the first to write about pigs flying, I believe it is the gospel writer Mark who is the first to describe pigs flying (Mark 5). You see Jesus came to Gadarenes and was greeted by one of the locals. A man living in the tombs, a naked man who was possessed by evil. This man was certainly not on the travel brochure; he was the person the chamber of commerce didn�t want you to meet. As soon as Jesus arrived this man came running to meet him. Jesus attracted the wounded like a burning house attracts firemen. He cried out to Jesus, swinging his chains and yelling at the top of his voice. The townsfolk didn�t care much for the man; he was a plight on their town. An unwanted member of the community. A broken person. Who knows what drove him to his anti-social behavior. Maybe he was abused as a child. Maybe he was neglected by his parents. Molested by a stranger. Maybe he had gotten addicted to strong drink. Maybe his second wife had left him without any money. The reason he was in the state is not nearly as important as the fact that he was anti-social. All the latest literature said he was a victim and should seek intensive therapy. Everybody considered him a looser, a weakling, a has been. Whatever had happened it had broken him and the community had no room for broken people so they exiled him to the tombs where his anti-social behavior could not be seen. I can imagine the town folks gossip. �Do you think the �Tomb Dweller� will ever change, will he ever get over the divorce, the death, the abuse or whatever.� A friend would reply, �He�ll change when pigs fly.�

Jesus diagnosis the problem as evil spirits. Whatever it was Jesus knew one thing it was evil. He didn�t know where it came from, and seemingly didn�t care. The answer was to remove the evil spirits without hurting the man. The spirits know they are on borrowed time so they plead with Jesus to not exile them to the wilderness of the spirit world. Even spirits don�t want to be homeless. They convince Jesus to send them into a heard of swine. Jesus grants their wish and in short order the herd of swine begin to act strong headed and foolish. A few minutes later they are charging down a hill and off a cliff. So the pigs flew, no survivors were reported, except one, the flight was short but pigs did fly.

Today you may carry something in your past. It is none of our business what it is. For years it has exiled you from the mainstream, it has been your little secret. It has locked you up and you are wondering if you will ever get past the hurt and pain. You are wondering if you will ever be the same. You may think it is only a remote possibility that you can be changed. You may believe you will change when pigs fly. Pigs have been known to fly.

Today may be the day when pigs fly in your life. You�ve been trying all your life to figure it out, to label it something. Apparently with Jesus the label is not as important as the willingness to come away from the tombs and toward Jesus. This morning make a step, a step away from the past that holds you, ask Jesus to remove the spirit and renew your spirit and then duck because pigs are about to fly.

A Homeless Savior

Tue, 25 May 2004 20:12:02 GMT

Lewrockwell.com opening page proclaims loudly its dictum; �property, freedom, peace.� In many ways this is a summary of the American formula. We work for property, our slice of the land, this in turn brings freedom, at least for us, and following closely freedom is peace. We only disturb the peace to protect the freedom or the property.

Much of our history can be traced through the expansion of property. Yet property cannot be manufactured it can only be purchased or taken. The Louisiana Purchase approved by treaty in April of 1803, is called the most significant real estate transaction in the history of civilization. The over 800,000 square miles of land, bought at a cost of about four cents per acre, would eventually be cut into all or part of fifteen American states: Louisiana, Arkansas, Missouri, Iowa, North Dakota, Texas, South Dakota, New Mexico, Nebraska, Kansas, Wyoming, Minnesota, Oklahoma, Colorado and Montana.[i] Purchasing has only been one way the American landscape has been developed. Of course one of the uglier periods of American history has to do with our taking by force land from the American Indian. With greed and malice we swept clean the frontier, defeating, destroying, and exiling all Indians who dared to claim their rights to the land, buffalos, or water.

The accusation of land cannot always be done peacefully and from time to time our nation has decided the benefits of the land and resources it contains is worth a battle or two. To this day, the American way makes it advantageous to be a property owner. Homeownership has its advantages. While I have no doubt that property is a good thing, I wonder if the formula is really true? Does property + freedom = peace?

The Jesus Way

�Birds have nest . . . foxes have dens

But the hope of the whole world rest

On the shoulders of a homeless man

You did not have a home.�[ii]

Jesus was not a property owner but it appears he was indeed the freest and most peaceful individual history has a record of. Maybe peace and freedom come from something other than ownership.

On this occasion Jesus was being questioned by another lawyer. Not a lawyer as an attorney, but one who knew the Jewish law, a teacher of the law. This man had a prominent place in society. We can only speculate, but like other lawyers of his day he wore a long flowing robe, made out of a bright color, maybe purple to signify he had made it. He was more than likely a business man, with an office on main street, and he certainly had a home, a place to call his own. More or less we can imagine this man had a comfortable life, at least comfortable by outward standards. Observers probably considered him to be living the good life. He was the type of person others envied.

Yet, this man did not feel like he was living the good life. Something was missing. Yet when he inventoried his life, every goal had been meet, every box had been checked, loving wife (check), children (check), respect of community leaders (check), wealth (check), property owner (check), but something was missing.

Do you see the irony of this encounter? One man, a success by anyone�s standards, a pillar of the community, a person who seemingly had it all goes to a man who is considered illegitimate, a man who cannot rub to pennies together, and who does not have a home, for advise. Jesus depends on the kindness of strangers and friends for his meals and the roof over his head. How bad would things have to be to turn to a homeless man for advice?

Jesus knows this man, at least he knows his kind, and so he makes it clear, following me is tough, we keep our possessions on our back not in the bank, our bread is the word of God, not the bread of this world, we sleep under the stars not in a home, we don�t lead we follow.

The story is interrupted we never know what the man does. This seeker was the kind of man who had always lead, if he was dancing he lead, Jesus makes it clear the first step in coming after me is learning to follow, not lead.

But where is Jesus going? Where is he leading? Jesus is calling us to an alternative lifestyle. Instead of pursing property, freedom, and peace, the American way, Jesus is saying, �But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.�[iii]

The Counter-Proposal

Jesus has a counter-proposal to our pursuit of the good life. Jesus has another option for our pursuit of first place. The option is follow don�t lead, seek God and peace and freedom will follow. Peace and freedom, which we must admit are the desire of our heart are kind of like a cat, you try to call them, pursue them, chase them down, put them in your lap and they will never come. However, if you ignore the cat and go about your business you�ll be vacuuming the cat hair off your sweater. Likewise if we go out and seek the kingdom, go about our business then like the cat, peace and freedom will be jumping in our lap.

Jesus� alternative to our typical pursuits is instead of being in charge be surrendered, instead of leading, follow. I think we are opposed to following and surrendering. Children are better at it than us, but somewhere around ten we begin to see the benefits of being in charge. The dream of every kid is to be in charge, how foolish we are as children. Most kids want to be 22 and most 40 year olds wish they were 7. We begin to see how the people in charge have it better than those they are in charge of. Ask kids what they want to be, quarterbacks, presidents, and mommies. Early on we hear the motto of this world, �get ahead . . . don�t follow.�

When Jesus says, �If any of you want to be my followers, you must forget about yourself.[iv] We are taught from the crib to seek first our kingdom. I know as parents we do our best to raise unselfish children and many are, but we must admit the weight of training in our culture is not to forget about ourselves but to cherish ourselves. Yet all of this self-centered living leads down a dead-end street, where one day with our pockets full and our reputation built, but our spirit broken we cry out, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go." And Jesus says to us, "Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head."[v] Do we really want to live with a homeless man.

The Jesus Trip

If we go with Jesus where will he take us? Already, he has promised if we will follow, whatever we will need he�ll provide. So peace and freedom are his gift, as long as we let Jesus lead peace and freedom will follow. There is something better than the American dream, there is another formula. Surrender =peace & freedom. The American dream cannot hold a candle to the Kingdom reality.

One day the disciples were re-considering their choice to follow Jesus. Sleeping under the stars was getting old, running from the authorities was proving to be difficult, and trusting in the goodness of God and the kindness of strangers is not the best retirement plan. Jesus recognized the fear and let the followers in on a secret.

"Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.²In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?³And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.⁴And you know the way to where I am going."⁵Thomas said to him, "Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?"⁶Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

~~John 14:1-6

^{They thought they had been following a pauper but now they find out they are not homeless, they are just not home. It�s like getting a call one day and finding out Donald Trump is your uncle or Bill Gates is your half-brother. Truthfully we are following a homeless man but he�s only homeless because he�s out of town. Likewise this is not our home, we are out-of-towners. If we choose to make this our home we can have the benefits of this home, property, tax advantages, pride, and power but that�s all we get. However, if we follow the homeless savior, we find peace and freedom while we wait on the train to take us home.}

^{Jesus is indeed an unusual savior, he is a homeless savior, he cannot offer us and tax advantages but he can make us free from our sin and give us peace beyond our understanding. All we have to do is surrender. Choose to follow Jesus and while we may never feel at home here, our father has a home and one day we will not be homeless, we will be home.}

[i] Louisianapurchses2003.com, 2/4/04

[ii] Rich Mullins, You Did Not have a home

[iii] Matthew 6:33-34, English Standard Version

[iv] Luke 9:23, Contemporary English Version

[v] Matthew 8:19-20, English Standard Version